This is about me and not to be about the transgender community or any transgender individual. This is a stream of consciousness regarding my thoughts, and not a psychological essay based on findings or popular held beliefs or theories. These words are my own, based on emotion and desire, affection, and the relationships I have experienced along the path of life.. What draws me to a particular type of individual, a unique gender identity today, is not the same as when I was younger. I love trans girls. This has been a process, a long time in the making. It began when I was a young 18 year old, and has intrigued me and gained clarity throughout my life. What began as sexual experiences that touched me with excitement and arousal, has transformed itself into something deeper. I believe when you become acquainted with people of any diversity, race, creed, or gender, you begin to embrace differences. If you are open minded and non judging, you begin to have empathy and an understanding of their unique place in our world…….with in our own “village.” I’m a complicated guy. I’m very Bisexual with a certain type of male, although far more sexually than romantically. I have always loved the female, femininity, both sexually and romantically. I am married, and was previously married to another woman, with whom I raised a family. As I have gotten older my Bisexual desires changed, becoming more selective; my heterosexual relationships a bit more contentious and difficult. But, my Transgender relations and desires were solely not based on sexual desires. In my limited experiences, but probably far more than most males my age, I have found Transgender MtF relationships deeper and more intimate, without many of the negative trappings of my female heterosexual couplings. I’m attracted to the femininity they are transitioning towards. I’m very sexual, I crave sexual intimacy. I’m not a doctor or psychologist, but I sense that while I always refer to Trans girls as girls……females….I predict they’re still is unique components of the male animal pounding in their physiology or unconscious being.
So I ponder, am I judging harshly when I say Trans girls may lean, unconsciously embracing bits and pieces of the male libido, as apposed to the CIS female libido? Maybe it’s only my unique experience and the particular girls I have met who seem to fall into this category, hyper-sexual, naughty, and playfully sexual. The image of Loli Luciene, dressed in her white lingerie, is classic. Feminine, sexual and arousing. Clearly fantasy….not anything like the real girls who arouse me…..who have been my lovers and sexual partners…My history follows……..
My mother had suggested I might consider cutting Ms Betty’s lawn as none of the other boys in the neighborhood would. All the other mothers hated Ms Betty and wouldn’t allow their sons to associate with her. She was one of my mom’s friends and I thought nothing of it, so I agreed to do it every week. It seemed Saturday mornings would be best, so I put her in my schedule and planned on the following Saturday to the first.
I was doing a great job with my lawn cutting service, picking up new clients from word of mouth after I did a lawn or two, but my schedule was becoming full. I needed to save some time for fun that summer. I was always very sexual and loved hanging out with an older guy I knew for fun. The only one my age I played with regularly was the boy who lived next door. He was my age and we had been masturbating together for years. It was just recently that we had taken our relationship a little farther.
His name was Rene, and one day he looked at me and said, “I want more out of this, I need more.” I was baffled at his comment, asking him what he meant. He shared, “It’s always us getting naked and showing each other our cocks…..I want more…..I want to be touched and……” Then his words trailed off and he sat quietly stroking his cock. Were both naked and hard. Sitting across from him I asked, “Rene……what do you want?” He got up and stood in front of me, his hard cock pointing forward, inches from my face. He had a smile on his face and asked if he could show me. I nodded. Rene stepped forward and climbed onto my thighs, his own legs straddling mine. It felt good feeling his warm thighs touching mine. His cock rested against my own and the feeling was amazing. I moaned and he asked me, “Are you okay with this, are you comfortable?” I nodded again saying, “Yeah, it feels good…….our cocks touching is so good.” Rene took his hand and began stroking both of us. I thought I was gonna cum right then and then he stopped. I remember thinking why’d you stop. I looked up at him and he kissed me. I kissed him back and then he kissed me again. Then he did it again and opened his lips and I felt his tongue teasing my lips as it then entered my mouth. I was surprised, but I began to sense what he wanted, what he was referring to when he said he wanted more.
I remember looking at him as he looked down, avoiding making eye contact with me. He began to stand and I said “No……don’t,” as I gabbed his butt and pulled him to me. Rene moaned as his cock pressed against my chest. He was oozing cum and my chest was wet with his arousal as I held him and said, “It’s okay……I want more too.” He quietly asked me, “Would you kiss it,……I’m so close?” I leaned down and kissed it licking away the pre-cum……he moaned and then I took the head in my mouth and swirled my tongue over the shiny head of his cock. Rene started to cum. It drenched my lips and chin as I tried to swallow all it.
Looking at how many days I would be cutting lawns, I wondered how Rene’s and my work schedules would conflict, and how often we could be together. I woke up Saturday morning and went to Ms Betty’s house. She came to the door in her robe and told she had some things to do inside and I should get started. I began cutting the grass and doing all the things you do. I was hot, the heat was sweltering even though all I was wearing was a pair pf very short denim cut offs and gym shoes. My mind began wandering back to Ms Betty and why all the moms in the neighborhood hated her. I always thought she was nice, she seemed lonely. I began thinking about how she always wore dresses and stockings and heels. She was kinda sexy and then this morning in her robe, her cleavage was so obviously exhibited. I felt my cock beginning to swell as I wondered what her nipples were like. My mind was beginning to spin and the heat was getting to me.
Suddenly I heard her yell from the door, “I have some lemonade on the counter…..ice is in the fridge….come and get some before you wilt out there!” I shut the mower off and headed to the house.
My shorts were soaked, and from thinking about Ms Betty, my cock was exhibiting a well defined lump as the damp denim clung to me. I never wore underwear with these shorts, I loved the way the denim rubbed against me. Looking down, my gym shoes had cut grass hanging off of them so I kicked them off at the door. The house was cool. We didn’t have air conditioning at home, but Ms Betty had a nice house and the cool air was like being splashed with cold water. I poured myself the lemonade and grabbed some ice. She had a big kitchen table with magazines and pictures strewn all over. Moving a few to sit, I saw pictures of girls all dressed in long dresses and big hairdo’s. They appeared to be show girls in some type of a burlesque review. One looked like a younger Ms Betty. I looked at more of the pictures and that girl was in every one; some were in swimming suits and lingerie. I wondered. Gulping down a couple of glasses of lemonade made me want to pee. I had been to her bathroom at the far end of the hallway, I took it upon myself to just use it.
I loved being in her home, it had amazing art hanging on the walls and pictures of what appeared to be family portraits. There was a mom and dad and a little boy, a boy with a dog, and more pictures of an older male and female. As I walked past her bedroom I looked in as I heard her cuss over something. Ms Betty was standing with her foot on her vanity stool adjusting her nylons. She was wearing a girdle. I loved girdles. I thought they were the sexiest thing a woman could wear. My mother wore them, and when I saw her dressing or relaxing in one, I always was so aroused. I shouldn’t have stared at Ms Betty, but she looked so beautiful and so exciting, I could resist. My cock was throbbing again and I was frozen in place. All of a sudden she turned, obviously startled. I was so embarrassed, but I still looked. Then I saw she was wearing an open bottom girdle and she had a cock hanging below the hem. I was shocked. Ms Betty looked at me and said, “G……would you come here.” It wasn’t a question, it was an order. She looked at me and then the look on her face softened. “Now you know my secret G……are you okay?” I nodded. Come here…..come to me…..lets talk.”
I sat on her stool as she stood before me, her cock even with my face. I loved her as a woman, and oddly I loved what I was seeing now. “Can’t take your eyes off of it?……you seem focused on my cock…..and it seems you might be as aroused as I’m feeling right now.” I nodded again, not really sure what to say, but as I sat there her cock was swelling, almost standing straight up from under the girdle. My own cock was pounding in my pants. Even as a young male, I loved cock and wanted more than I had experienced in my short life. This was so erotic, I was so aroused, I wanted to reach out and touch, fondle her. I wanted to taste her too. After tasting Rene and sucking his cock, I wanted Ms Betty’s cock too.
“Why don’t we talk later G……It seems your sexy little shorts are wet and maybe we should take them off and let them dry……would you like that?”
Later, after Rene had gone to college and ended his relationship with his girl friend, he came out, announcing he was Gay. He had invited me over one night. When I got there he was dressed as a girl. I was shocked, but not surprised. He was shy as he answered to door, asking me to please not be judgmental. How could I judge him harshly, he was my oldest lover and and I cared about him as a person. I was so aroused by the way he appeared. He looked like a beautiful flat chested girl. We were supposed to go out to dinner, but the desire to eat was forgotten and we sat and talked for hours. He shared his thoughts and at some point I sat next to him and told him about Ms Betty. She had recently passed away from breast cancer, like so many women who had those silicone injection implants in the 1960’s. He was surprised I never shared my relationship with her, with him. He told me to wait and he would be right back. He emerged from his bedroom wearing a vintage open bottomed girdle, his hard cock standing straight up and exposed. “Is this what she looked like G?” Rene asked, as he stepped closer. His cock was inches from my lips. I hungered to suck him, to taste him once again, it had been so long.
After I got married, I was driving in the city and reached a stop light. A girl on a bicycle pulled up next to me and we began chatting while the light was red. She was cute, engaging and possessed something that I liked, something I was drawn to. She suggested that we turn at the next corner and chat some more. So on a secluded dead end street we talked and laughed and I asked her for her phone number. When I told her she was a very sexy girl, she responded……”Well thank you handsome…..but I’m not really a girl……yet……I’m a boy,” but you may call me Tanya. I was delighted. She was giggling like a young girl and then told me she loved watching a man cum…..she loved seeing a man stroke his hard cock……she asked, “Would you for me?” It was a couple of years later when I was sitting in a park. I saw a girl walking a handsome gog. As she walked past me, she gave me a second look and asked. “G……is that you?” After all that time it was Tanya. Her florescent yellow swimsuit was very arousing.
Over the next few years I divorced, and dated a lot of CIS girls. Then one night I was leaving my girl friend’s apartment in the city. I saw three very attractive girls walk into a bar. I pulled over and went in. I had never been in this place before, and it was filled with women all in dresses and very sexy. There were just a few males other than myself. I saw the woman who walked in as I was passing by outside, she was sitting with the other two girls, engaged in a conversation.. I needed to use the restroom, ordered a drink from the bartender and said I would return in a minute.
I stepped up to the urinal and began reading all of the graffiti in front of me, almost immediately the door opened. It was the girl that I had followed into the establishment. She stepped up to the urinal next to me, pulled up her tight yellow dress and pulled out her very large cock and began pissing. I knew at that moment, there were none if any CIS females in this bar. She gave me snarly look and left.
I returned to my seat at the bar and took a few sips of my drink as I was now surrounded by three or more girls. One was a girl from the Philippines name Jen, Another chubby girl of Hispanic decent named Maria, and a Cuban girl named Niki. Jen was delicious and was more of a Ladyboy. I loved going to her home in the suburbs and watching her dance around in her revealing lingerie. She was looking for a husband and I was not looking for a wife, but she called me relentlessly and I would go see her occasionally. Niki was actually a post op trans girl. I had never met a girl who had reassignment surgery, so I was very intrigued. She was in town managing a fashion show of Trans/CD’s. We chatted and she asked if I’d ever seen a girl after surgery. I said I did not. She invited me to her hotel room the following afternoon for a peak and a little play. She was more Dominant than I cared for, but she had the most amazing hips, and pussy. I was licking her pussy on my knees (not something I would typically do in a submissive way) as she called me Pappy and slapped my face. I never went back.
Maria was real. She was a chubby girl, round belly, small breasts, and a lovely bubble butt. She invited me over and was extremely shy. I remember she was dressed in shorts and a tank top. Her nipples were pushing out and hard. She seemed to be excited I came by. I think she was lonely. She was a pretty girl, but being over weight made her different from the other girls at the bar. I found her lovely. We were talking and and she said she would love me to see her in some very feminine attire. I was becoming aroused. She was sweet and sexy, but hesitant. She old me that all those other girls had big clits, and hers was so small. I told her that makes no difference to me. She asked, “you promise?” I nodded. She went to her room to change. She opened the door and said, “you can come in.”
Oh my, standing there in her sheer baby doll nightie she was amazing. Her small breasts and hard nipples were amazing. Her hands were covering her clitty as she looked to the floor. I said, “Maria…..show me your clitty?” She shook her head no. I stepped closer and raised her chin and kissed her softly. She leaned in and asked to be held. Her hands still in front of her, began rubbing against my cock, hardening me even more. I remember kissing her neck as she trembled. “I haven’t been with many boys,” she said. I stepped back and looked at her. Her clitty was small, even erect it couldn’t have been bigger that 4 inches, but the head was amazing. I told her, “Maria…..you are simply adorable…..I love your clitty…..and if you lay back I will show you how much.” Her clitty was small and delicious, and she whimpered so cute as she came.
That same night at the bar I saw a familiar face back in the corner. She was just leaving when I was getting up to walk over to her, she rushed by me on her way out to the street. I followed her and grabbed her arm saying, “Excuse me, Do I…….” Turning, around she cut me off saying, “Yes G…..it’s me Tanya.” She leaned in and kissed me. “Will you give me a lift home G.”
Ever since that day on the dead end street when I stroked my cock for her, I wanted to be with her. The next time I saw her walking her dog in the park, we had gone back to her garden apartment and again I stroked my cock for her, cumming on her clit. I remember her clit was soft and didn’t get hard as she fondled it with my cum.. I never saw her again until that night. Tanya was a black girl. She was beautiful, her hips and butt round and smooth. Her breasts were much bigger now. We made love; at least I hold on to the memory, that way. I wanted her and searched for her for so long, and finally I had her in my arms. We hung out and dated for a year until she moved away. But that night after years of transitioning, she was adorable. Tanya had lost weight, her breasts were fuller, and her clit was hard. She was no longer running away from being the boy who wanted to be a girl, she was that girl.
After years of always having a transgender person in my life, I now was getting remarried. I had a new demanding job which included travel to other cities. I had grandchildren and children who needed my help and companionship. I belonged to a popular fetish website and flirted with many girls, some of which were trans. I was tired of engaging with people from other countries, or from opposite ends of North America with no hope of ever seeing them, much less speaking to them. One day I began a search for a transgender girl from my city. It turned up a few possibilities. One girl in particular intrigued me. I’ll call her “N.”
N was in a relationship. She wanted to be loyal and was moving in with her “Daddy.” When we began chatting her boyfriend/Daddy was out of town and I believe she was lonely. N told me she had begun hormone replacement therapy and was feeling reactions and was feeling tired and nauseous. She began looking for me when I was on-line, as I did too. N was so excited when I was, and I was equally delighted when she was. There was something very different in N. She was very smart, she had advanced college degrees, spoke other languages, and was adorable. I began telling her she was amazing….she denied it. One night we got into a bit of sexual teasing and flirting. We were intimate in a way I had not been in real lie for quite a while. There was a long pause on her part and then she said, “I have never been that intimate with my boyfriend…..never had those feelings….. You make me ache to be touched like that…..I lay in bed at night and ache for that….. I need that so bad…….is that who you really are?” Yes that is who I am….yes! I felt it too. We both admitted to having tears in our eyes, she was sobbing.
Some weeks later we met. It was at a Starbucks. She was early sitting in the back corner. We talked and laughed. I suggested a walk in the near by park. We walked and then sat on a park bench. I was so tempted to grab her. I wanted her to submit to me right there, but instead I kissed her softly. A long lingering kiss, it took my breath away. It was my own selfish desires that wanted more, but I knew she was fragile in this moment and a kiss was a good beginning for us. It was actually, perfect. We got in my car and I drover her home in silence. She said almost in a whisper, “I think I made a too quick of a decision picking him…..I should have waited.” I said nothing. When she bwas getting out of the car her top opened a bit and I asked to see her nipple. She blushed, I loved that. I leaned across the seat and peeked, and licked it. I sucked her nipple as it hardened. She looked at me and said, “Oh my God…..that felt so good…..I’m so aroused.” I kissed her one more time and left.
As I pulled away I wanted to run back, then then my cell phone rang. It was N, she called to tell me she had an amazing afternoon…..and her panties were wet. I smiled, and exhaled.
I’m not sure where this will go. She’s 24 years old and I’m 61. We lead complicated lives, but it’s been almost 2 years since we met. She calls me Daddy, I call her baby girl. I call her sweetie when she needs a friend. I would love being her friend forever. My how things have changed, but this is very comfortable. I love this trans girl…..I love this girl.