I was a young boy when my father made the most hurtful comment. My father was holding me in his arms as he through a scarf over my head and said, “Look……doesn’t he make a pretty little girl.” My mother said, “Oh my…..yes he does.”
I will say it scared me. I will also say I was her little boy and she loved me deeply. I grew into an adolescent and did all the things boys did, normal things like baseball and played army with m,y friends. But I always wanted to please them and felt I came up short in that one way. I wasn’t the little girl my Daddy wanted. He always talked to my girl cousins when we had family gatherings and ignored me. When I got brave enough to confront him, I asked why he ignored me. He response was, “I see you all the time, I rarely see them, so I take the opportunity to be with them”
I never wanted to go to my grandmother’s house for Christmas, my girl cousins would be there and I hated his behavior. I was of course made to go. One night my youngest cousin slept over. She was slightly older than me by a few months. We slept in my room and had a great time as we always did. She and I both changed separately in my room. I remember she changed her pink panties and put on new ones. Her clothes were strewn all over my room. After she had finished it was my turn. I went to my room and saw her pink panties laying on the floor. I’m not sure what caused me to grab them, but I did. I hid them in my closet, deep in some boxes. When I cam out and saw my cousin sitting on my dad’s lap I was so envious. Her tee shirt was pulled up just enough for me to see the white panties she had changed into.
Some days later I had a tee shirt on and I went to get her pink panties. I dug them out from the secret hiding place and put them on. I went out to where my father was sitting and crawled on his lap. He looked at me and asked, “Did you loose your underwear?”
He told me to go change and act like a boy. I was a boy, but for him I wanted to be a girl.