Trans Girl, A love affair.

Source: Trans Girl, A love affair.

I posted a new page. Please peek at it…….just sayin’

I’m a pansexual male whose had a love of Transgender for decades. The page is a written account of my experiences over time which began with sexual encounters. Over time one learns many things…..We become educated….We mature and come to embrace the the “whole” of personal experiences, and not simply the shallow desires lying deep with in us. What began as an moment of arousal……has transformed itself and me in many ways. Yes, I am still a male and I still make mistakes in language, after years of listening to conventional “wisdom”…..prejudice, stereotyping….etc. But this life is not built on perfection, it is about progress and embracing differences along the path……this has been part of my journey…….

Where Did That Girl Go?

Image by Gerome
Image by Gerome

I still lay awake at night pondering where the highly sexual girl I fell in love with disappeared to. You lay beside me sleeping, in shallow breaths. On this hot summer night you lay here under the sheets in only your panties, and I hunger for the nights we laid naked pressed against each other. The scent of your arousal filled my senses and the room, feeding our desires. You gave yourself to me, willingly as I uncovered the darkness which churned in your belly, and oozed from your cunt.

Innocently over coffee many moons ago, you looked at me and said, “You might be surprised……not knowing me at all……but I like rules……I like being made to do things……maybe I misjudged you……but I don’t think so.”

I saw the little girl in you as you walked towards me. I can never put into words what that means or entails. I just know it when I see it. I loved your confidence and strength, and your need to be with a stronger and more confident man. I loved how I made you feel safe and how you made me laugh. I loved how you trusted me, completely. The way you flipped your hair and smiled, flirting with me. My cock was throbbing as you bent over to pick up your keys, showing me your bottom and little panties. Do you remember me taking you in the parking lot, claiming you? Do you remember how you moved into my apartment the next day?

As I raise the sheet and peek at how much fuller your bottom is now, seeing how your panties are stretched and pulled into the cleft of your ass, I feel my cock pulsing as I slip my hand between your thighs, and whisper, “I need you now.” Your lack of response castrates me, as you sleep on, in shallow breathes.

Where did the little girl in you run to?

Dom….sub…..and Everything in Between

I’ve always had a slightly skewed view of the D/s relationship and dynamic. I’m not a D/s intellectual, but I’m pretty well read. As an adult I love control. I’ve been in a lot of places in my life sexually. I was a young male who was “mentored’ by a few  mature males. I suppose because I was younger than these male figures, I naturally did as I was told or what was asked of me. Was it out of respect, or was it fear? I don’t remember ever being afraid, so I will discount that. Was it because I was taught to respect my elder’s, maybe. While I always respected my elders at that age, I believe I wanted to follow. I wanted to be lead into the darkness. I wanted to be touched, fondled and used. Yes I wanted to be a boy toy, a pet.  I wanted all of the dirty, dark sexual experiences that I could be thrown mt way.

I remember the beginning. He was older. I was a young 18 year old smooth twink. Just graduating high school, I was taking the summer off and was sun bathing in nothing but my soft and worn bikini underwear. I was laying by a pond where we skinny dipped. Instead of being with the guys I normally hung out with, that particular day I was alone. I had fallen asleep. I awoke suddenly as a man, an older man sat next to me. He sat too close, but I didn’t move. I was slightly uncomfortable, but not enough to move or say anything to him about it. He made a comment or two, asked if I had been swimming, I nodded I had. He commented that must have been a pretty sight. I was beginning to feel aroused, my cock was swelling and if it hardened anymore, it would clearly be obvious.

His eyes were fixated on my underwear, my cock. He glanced at me and then he went back to looking where he shouldn’t be looking. He nudged the front of his shorts, and looked at me again. This time his eyes were looking deeply into my own, waiting for a reaction. He told me I was sexy and I was causing him to harden, as he fondled himself, his hand still grabbing at his shorts. He was very aroused. I was as well. My underwear was revealing a slight wet spot, my arousal was betraying me.

Slowly he reached over and slipped his warm hand under the waist band of my tiny underwear. I was his. His touch was amazing, soft, gentle, and in someway, very wrong. But I laid back and moaned, as he pulled the front of my bikini briefs down, and took me completely in his mouth. I lasted a few minutes. He asked me if I would come home with him. I nodded I would.

This began a summer of submission. I was naked with him always, I was his cock whore, cock sucker, and I ran to it. I ran to him when he called, or drove by my house. I pushed aside my friends to spend an afternoon or night with him naked, on my knees sucking his cock. He shared me with other men and watched. I wanted to make him proud, I wanted him to whisper in my ear as I took his friends cocks, “You’re a good boy.”

Then, one day I met a woman at a book store.  She was older. We were sitting on two chairs facing each other. I watched as she read her magazine. I would catch her glancing at me, but when I looked up at her, she dropped her head as if she wasn’t staring at me. This went on for a bit. Cat and mouse, who was gonna flinch first. She looked to be my mothers age, and was wearing a skirt. Occasionally she would cross her legs one way, then the other. I could see she was wearing stockings. When she would cross her legs in one direction, the stocking tops peeked out as she moved. I was wondering as my cock hardened, if she was wearing a garter belt or a girdle.

I was extremely aroused as I laid back a bit revealing the lump of my hard cock in my pants. She eventually looked up, her eyes wide open like a deer in head lights as she saw me staring at her. Then her eyes went to my outstretched legs and to my crotch. She stared for too long before looking back at me, biting her lower lip. I held my stare as she slowly parted her thighs. Not too far, but I could see her panties. She went back to reading. I got up and walked to the register and bought the book I had started. I walked outside and smoked a cigarette. I heard, “Ooooooooh there you are.” I said, “Yep.”

I was always looking for sex. I had been with a number of girls my age, and I loved being with them, but for sex I preferred older males. They were sexually hungry and naughty. They weren’t done as soon as they came and they trembled when a young male was naked with them. But she reminded me of my mom and I wondered what that might be like. “Do you have a car young man?” she asked. I nodded I did. “Would you mind taking me home, I mean give me a lift?” “Sure………I take you home,” I said, lingering on, “I take you home.”

I knew she wanted me, her parted thighs were the invite. I felt confident and wanted her. She climbed in and sat sideways on the bench seat in my car. “May I take my shoe off?” she asked. I felt her toes bump against my butt, her knee bent upwards. I looked at her before I put the key in the ignition and saw she was sitting so her thighs were spread as far as the skirt would allow, her other foot was on the floor. She just looked at me as I reached out and put my hand on her leg. I heard her moan. Sliding my hand up her thigh higher I felt her warm flesh above her stockings. I started the car and began to drive, I followed her directions and again slid my hand up her thigh. I touched her panties and they were damp. I brought my fingers to my nose and inhaled. “Oooooooooh……your naughty,” she said, and then after a few moments she crawled over next to me and put her hand in my lap. Whispering, she asked, “Did you like that?” I said, “Yeah…..a lot.”

She quickly opened my pants and took out my cock, her mouth was over it, licking and sucking. Her head was bobbing up and down. I was swerving all over the road and to stay in the lane I grabbed her by the hair and said, “Suck me nice before I get in an accident!” “She looked up at me and said, “Yes Sir,” and went back to sucking. I had said that before, many times. I liked hearing her say that, it felt right.

Something changed in me in that moment, I was never in control before. I spent the night with her and in the morning she was on her knees at the door, sucking my cock again. She became my cock whore and I would call her regularly. She had a boyfriend and it always made me feel good when she would run to be with me, and stand him up. Slowly I ended my relationship with the older males I frequently spent time with. I would show up at her apartment or where she worked, telling her I needed my cock sucked, sometimes I stayed and other times I would leave her with a mouthful of cum. I was feeling good about myself.

I liked hanging out with her. She was easy, and willing. She took orders well and would be dressed as I asked. She was always willing to suck me. I quickly discovered she was a slut. One night we were driving through town and I saw a couple of buddies. They flagged me down and asked for a ride. I told them to get in. I looked at her and told her to suck my cock. She immediately took my cock in her mouth as my buddies watched. With cum dripping from her chin, I told her to suck them too. She readily agreed, as she climbed in the back seat, I pulled over to smoke a cigarette and watch. She was up for anything as long as I fucked her at some point.

She began hinting about loving things put in her wet hole. She whispered she loved being forced to take things, unusual things, and to be tied down. I was intrigued. The next time I saw her we played a game, I would tie her to a table and begin inserting things. She would begin begging me to fuck her harder and deeper. She became too loud and she wouldn’t stop, so I put a her panties in her mouth. It was incredibly arousing to make her come over and over, forcing her to have one more, then one more, and maybe another. Back then I had no idea what a forced orgasm was, but she loved bondage and to be restrained, gagged, and used.

I remember thinking about how I had experienced some of the same things with the mature males, especially when more than one male was present, and how things got very kinky, very fast. I felt extremely excited to have this type of control over her. I also sensed while my friends were making comments about what a whore she was, how strong she was. She was confident and strong willed. She had a powerful job and lived a comfortable life. Sexually she was very submissive, but that word was still not part of my vocabulary. I sensed she made choices based on what aroused her, and who she was with.

One night laying in her bed, she became romantic. I liked that. She kissed me and said soft affectionate things. I had been feeling closer to her and feared if I showed her that, she might make me feel insignificant or walk away. She talked, I listened. She told me, “You may think I’m like this with every man I’m with…..I’m not.” She continued, “You’re very special…..I saw that the first night we met…..I felt safe with you….or I would have never done what I did……I sensed a shyness about you so I did a few things to tease you….do you understand?” I nodded. She went on, “The guy I was seeing when I met you was a nice guy….. but you know how I stood him up to be with you…….he’s not like you…..we didn’t have this type of relationship…..but I can’t help myself.” I was confused, but I continued to listen. “I was once with a man who was……..how do I say this?……he was very Dominant…..he was loving but he was very sexual…..he demanded things from me that I had never done……I was embarrassed to do the things he asked of me…..but I did them…..he pushed me and instead of making me weaker…..he made me stronger.” I told her I was confused. I felt something familiar in what she she was  saying, my submissive past was surging in me as she had described her experiences.” “You should understand what I’m telling you…….from the little you shared about what you have done with men……what they expected of you…..it’s really no different…..don’t you see that?” she said.

I did see it, more so I felt it. It was a conflict. I remember the delicious feelings of arousal from being used. I also felt the comfort of control, and the arousal. I wanted desperately to understand the tension I was feeling about being the Sir and answering to the Sir, and how did the romantic affectionate feelings I was having fit in between it all. I felt affection for that one male who first brought to this place, the respect I had for him. I trusted him with my naked body, my soul. “Do you trust me?” I asked. “Yes…..completely”, She responded and then kissed me softly. “You must have trust, complete trust…..and you should have love and affection……do you see we have chemistry…..do you see how our desires demand that we trust each other completely……and the affection and love for each other is the bond that holds this all together.” I felt so confused.