A thought about loss………

So much is said about loss. May it the death of a loved one, the loss of a friend, or losing a lover. The grief and heart ache is insurmountable. Many times we find ourselves in place that has us frozen, but incapable of getting a grip and find any stability. I found this and thought it was the most rational statement about loss and grief. A good read.

Old Man Explains Death and Life to Grieving Young Man

Trans Girl, A love affair.

Source: Trans Girl, A love affair.

I posted a new page. Please peek at it…….just sayin’

I’m a pansexual male whose had a love of Transgender for decades. The page is a written account of my experiences over time which began with sexual encounters. Over time one learns many things…..We become educated….We mature and come to embrace the the “whole” of personal experiences, and not simply the shallow desires lying deep with in us. What began as an moment of arousal……has transformed itself and me in many ways. Yes, I am still a male and I still make mistakes in language, after years of listening to conventional “wisdom”…..prejudice, stereotyping….etc. But this life is not built on perfection, it is about progress and embracing differences along the path……this has been part of my journey…….

Where Did That Girl Go?

Image by Gerome
Image by Gerome

I still lay awake at night pondering where the highly sexual girl I fell in love with disappeared to. You lay beside me sleeping, in shallow breaths. On this hot summer night you lay here under the sheets in only your panties, and I hunger for the nights we laid naked pressed against each other. The scent of your arousal filled my senses and the room, feeding our desires. You gave yourself to me, willingly as I uncovered the darkness which churned in your belly, and oozed from your cunt.

Innocently over coffee many moons ago, you looked at me and said, “You might be surprised……not knowing me at all……but I like rules……I like being made to do things……maybe I misjudged you……but I don’t think so.”

I saw the little girl in you as you walked towards me. I can never put into words what that means or entails. I just know it when I see it. I loved your confidence and strength, and your need to be with a stronger and more confident man. I loved how I made you feel safe and how you made me laugh. I loved how you trusted me, completely. The way you flipped your hair and smiled, flirting with me. My cock was throbbing as you bent over to pick up your keys, showing me your bottom and little panties. Do you remember me taking you in the parking lot, claiming you? Do you remember how you moved into my apartment the next day?

As I raise the sheet and peek at how much fuller your bottom is now, seeing how your panties are stretched and pulled into the cleft of your ass, I feel my cock pulsing as I slip my hand between your thighs, and whisper, “I need you now.” Your lack of response castrates me, as you sleep on, in shallow breathes.

Where did the little girl in you run to?

How could you…….

I lay in bed and quietly look on you as you sleep. It’s 1:02 am and I’m tossing and turning. I look to the barren floor, searching for him sleeping as he had for over a decade. Hearing that last gasp of breath as the needle emptied in him made our existence even more empty. I cried for weeks, but not on your shoulder. I held you. I caught you. I always do. Not soft kisses, not caresses, not any tenderness from my hands or lips could bring you back. How could you betray me? Why must you castrate me with your words? How can you expect me to not fear your crazy anger?….. Your runaway selfish emotion is like a locomotive without brakes. I’ve stopped listening. The echo of your rants keeps me up at night, angry, staring at the ceiling running from the nightmares. Its sad being forgotten, insignificant. And you wonder why your friends flirt with me…….how they whisper….”You deserve better.”

I remember when we slept entangled, and the touch of our flesh was warm and alive. I remember when my hand slipped between your thighs in the middle of the night, and you needed me, you whimpered and whispered “Oh God….I want you.”……..and still…..I want you…..