How could you…….

I lay in bed and quietly look on you as you sleep. It’s 1:02 am and I’m tossing and turning. I look to the barren floor, searching for him sleeping as he had for over a decade. Hearing that last gasp of breath as the needle emptied in him made our existence even more empty. I cried for weeks, but not on your shoulder. I held you. I caught you. I always do. Not soft kisses, not caresses, not any tenderness from my hands or lips could bring you back. How could you betray me? Why must you castrate me with your words? How can you expect me to not fear your crazy anger?….. Your runaway selfish emotion is like a locomotive without brakes. I’ve stopped listening. The echo of your rants keeps me up at night, angry, staring at the ceiling running from the nightmares. Its sad being forgotten, insignificant. And you wonder why your friends flirt with me…….how they whisper….”You deserve better.”

I remember when we slept entangled, and the touch of our flesh was warm and alive. I remember when my hand slipped between your thighs in the middle of the night, and you needed me, you whimpered and whispered “Oh God….I want you.”……..and still…..I want you…..

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