about me

Source: about me

I loved reading this “about me” from germainedelarch.

As a photographer, primarily a street photographer focused on people and the interactions to each other and their environment, I find your words “the carnival of everyday, ordinary life” so incredibly apropos…inspiring…..thanks for posting such an amazing essay on how we might pause and view the life around us…….

School Girl Games

Image by Gerome
Image by Gerome

We played those games. As I shared in a recent post, I met Susan walking down the street. She had dropped her keys and her plaid skirt pulled when she bent over up showing her pretty white panties and lovely bottom. When she stood back up, she flipped her hair, said hello, and all of a sudden I was sitting in a coffee shop, sipping an espresso talking with a girl. She was tremendously flirtatious in a very sweet way. I learned she was actually older that I was at 40 years old, but had the appearance of someone a decade younger. Her little school girl outfit didn’t hurt the look either. She looked at and said, “You might be surprised……not knowing me at all……but I like rules……I like being made to do things……maybe I misjudged you……but I don’t think so.” I was guessing she understood me too. I was aroused and I could feel my cock swelling.

We sat and chatted and talked well the dinner hour, talking about a wide array of subjects, from sweet to very naughty. I fell in love with her green eyes and warm personality. I guess if I ever experienced love at first sight, this was the moment. She was like a little girl yearning for her Daddy.

As the fall day fell to dusk and then into early evening darkness, I said I needed to be somewhere and suggested leaving, maybe catching a movie some night, or a drink in a quiet tavern. She nodded and we walked out on to the street. She had an odd look on her face, a smirk like she wanted to ask me something, but was holding back. Susan would lean into me, rubbing herself against me, playing with my finger tips occasionally as she continued to talk about her life. I was again feeling aroused. I love a girl who can flirt back with me. The back and forth always bringing me to the edge and then building again.

I told her my car was down this gangway between two buildings and she said, “Mine too.” About half way down the alley I grabbed her by the hair, tuning her around. She looked in my eye and then tilted her head towards the ground. Raising her chin with my finger, I said, “I’m going to fuck you right here…..you’ve been flirting and teasing me for hours…. like a naughty little prick teaser.” Susan’s face was flushed, I heard her whisper, “Yes Daddy.” “Oooooooooh…….you’ve been trained well,” I said as I reached down, pushing my hand under her short skirt, grabbing at her panties. “Are ya gonna rip em’ off of me right here……in public?” I pulled them tight up into the cleft of her cunt. “Your wet……good,” I said quietly, and then added, “Turn around and face the wall…….little school girl!”

My mind was reeling with all I wanted to do to her. I wanted to feel her pussy clench around my hard cock more than anything, as I again turned her around, grabbed her hair,  and bent her over. I heard her moan as I pulled her panties aside, aiming my cock at her hole, I thrust into her. She was wet, drenched. Grabbing her hips I began fucking her deep and steady. as she steadied herself and palms against the wall, she puhed back into me. “So you like Daddy’s cock Susan?” Susan nodded trying to catch er breath. I raised my hand and swatted her ass. “Ooooooouch……..Please fuck me…..Please, she gasped. “I’m gonna fill you with my seed…….I’m  claim you little girl……I’m gonna fuck you until I’m done….ughhhh……Mmmmm……Aaaahhhhh.” I felt my cock pulse and release my hot seed into her.

I held her against the wall, both of us breathing hard, sweat covering my forehead.  I heard an “oh my!” as an older lady turned away from the opening of the gangway. “We better get out of here before someone else see’s us……..gimme your panties….now!” I said. Susan looked at me as pulled them down, then stepping out of them, she handed them to me. “What, another notch on your guitar?” she asked. “I’m not a musician…..but ya a souvenir,” I told her. Grabbing her By the hair once again, I firmly directed her towards the parking lot. Once out in the night air and free from the confines of the gangway, I watched Susan walk. Her hips and butt swaying, I felt a twinge of arousal again. “You like little girls ass don’tcha Daddy?” I nodded, thinking yes I did.

We seemed destined to be together soon. I just never expected to see her at my door at 7 o’clock the next morning, with a suit case and laundry bag in her hands. “What……your washing machine die on you?” I asked. “Happy to see me are ya?” she quipped back at me. I was happy to see her, but wondered what she was doing here this early and with luggage. “You look so good in your robe Daddy?” Susan said as she again flipped her hair in a flirtatious manner. She was working me, and I was beginning to feel a little apprehensive about why she was here. Reaching out and under the same skirt she wore last night, I grabbed her butt which was still naked like last night. “You been out getting your cunt fucked…..after I filled it?” I asked. I felt a jolt of jealousy as she bit her lower lip. “No…..that pounding you gave me was enough….but I haven’t had a minute of sleep…..” I cut her off. “Yeah……..prove it……show me your pussy……if you have any cum dripping out of your cock whore cunt……you can just turn your ass around and go back to what ever prick filled you last,” I said. “Daddy…….your cum is the only cum still dripping out of this little girls coochie,” she said with a silly smile on her face. I nodded, grabbing her by the arm as I dragged her into my bedroom. “Get up there….on all fours…..spread your legs and show me your cunt,” I demanded. Susan never unwilling it seemed to exhibit herself, jumped on the bed. Laying her chest and face on my bed, with her ass up in the air, I could see her pretty pussy clearly. I was aroused and my cock head was poking out of my robe. “I think I should inspect you Susie….can I call you Susie….or would you maybe like …….lil’ hot cunt?” “I do have a hot little cunt Daddy…..but Suzie’s fine,” she said. I went to my bedside draw and gabbed a few things.

“Okay…..Suzie…..Daddy’s gonna inspect that hot little cunt and ass,” I said in a tone that sounded like that of a doctor. I looked at her with her ass up in the air and felt so aroused. She had a circle of fine hair surrounding her rosebud., and a little more hair surrounding her pussy. Her mound had a thicker mass of curls covering it. “You’re gonna need to shave yourself, I want you smooth like a little girl Suzie.” I saw her reach under and rub her fingers in her hair and dip her finger in her wet cunt. “Stop that…..you get to touch yourself when I say you may, now lick that finger clean,” I demanded. “Mmmmmm…….Daddy…..Little girl tastes good,” Suzie moaned as she licked and sucker her finger, wiggling her ass at me. The sound of soft warm flesh meeting the palm of my hand. rang out. “Ouch…….that hurt Daddy.” My palm left a large hand print on her butt cheek. I felt proud and even more aroused. I could see she was aroused as well. as her lips seemed to have a new glisten of moisture on them. The room was beginning to smell of her sex. I was so primal, the scent of sex hardening my cock even more. I opened my robe and stroked my cock as I inspected Suzie’s cunt. My own arousal was beginning to ooze from the tip of my cock. Walking around to the side of my bed I said, “Daddy’s cock needs to be cleaned…….”Lick it nice and slow……clean the head nice….like a good little cock whore……Mmmmmm……yes….you are a good cock sucking slut Susie…..Mmmm.” I wanted to grab her head and throat fuck her, but we had a day.

Standing behind her, I almost couldn’t resist kneeling down and licking her hot little cunt. Her scent was arousing, her lips wet and aroused. I reached over and grabbed one of the dildos I had taken from my drawer. I slipped it into her slightly, hearing her moan. Teasing the outer area and up to her asshole, watching it pucker, I said, “Good little girl Suzie,” and pushed it in a little deeper. Suzie pushed back a little. Hungry to be filled again, “You’re such a cock loving slut Suzie….you want this hard toy in you don’t you?” Yes Daddy…..fill me with it…..deeper Daddy please.”

I held it and let go. “Hold that cock shaped toy in your pussy Suzie…….hold it there,” I ordered her. I reached out and took a butt plug off the bed and lubed it well. Putting it at her rose bud I spun it a bit, rubbing the lube all over her hole. Another moan from her as I pushed. “Mmmmmm…..Daddy……Daddy.” I slapped her ass again. “Stop,” I said. “Quiet…..I wanna hear you moan and whimper.”

I pushed against the resistance, slow, but constant, until the base of the plug hit flush with her cheeks. “Keep that in you all day,” I said. “But Daddy…………”

 

 

Where Did That Girl Go?

Image by Gerome
Image by Gerome

I still lay awake at night pondering where the highly sexual girl I fell in love with disappeared to. You lay beside me sleeping, in shallow breaths. On this hot summer night you lay here under the sheets in only your panties, and I hunger for the nights we laid naked pressed against each other. The scent of your arousal filled my senses and the room, feeding our desires. You gave yourself to me, willingly as I uncovered the darkness which churned in your belly, and oozed from your cunt.

Innocently over coffee many moons ago, you looked at me and said, “You might be surprised……not knowing me at all……but I like rules……I like being made to do things……maybe I misjudged you……but I don’t think so.”

I saw the little girl in you as you walked towards me. I can never put into words what that means or entails. I just know it when I see it. I loved your confidence and strength, and your need to be with a stronger and more confident man. I loved how I made you feel safe and how you made me laugh. I loved how you trusted me, completely. The way you flipped your hair and smiled, flirting with me. My cock was throbbing as you bent over to pick up your keys, showing me your bottom and little panties. Do you remember me taking you in the parking lot, claiming you? Do you remember how you moved into my apartment the next day?

As I raise the sheet and peek at how much fuller your bottom is now, seeing how your panties are stretched and pulled into the cleft of your ass, I feel my cock pulsing as I slip my hand between your thighs, and whisper, “I need you now.” Your lack of response castrates me, as you sleep on, in shallow breathes.

Where did the little girl in you run to?

How could you…….

I lay in bed and quietly look on you as you sleep. It’s 1:02 am and I’m tossing and turning. I look to the barren floor, searching for him sleeping as he had for over a decade. Hearing that last gasp of breath as the needle emptied in him made our existence even more empty. I cried for weeks, but not on your shoulder. I held you. I caught you. I always do. Not soft kisses, not caresses, not any tenderness from my hands or lips could bring you back. How could you betray me? Why must you castrate me with your words? How can you expect me to not fear your crazy anger?….. Your runaway selfish emotion is like a locomotive without brakes. I’ve stopped listening. The echo of your rants keeps me up at night, angry, staring at the ceiling running from the nightmares. Its sad being forgotten, insignificant. And you wonder why your friends flirt with me…….how they whisper….”You deserve better.”

I remember when we slept entangled, and the touch of our flesh was warm and alive. I remember when my hand slipped between your thighs in the middle of the night, and you needed me, you whimpered and whispered “Oh God….I want you.”……..and still…..I want you…..

Or does it just make you damaged?….Adding to the Confusion.

I have thought about my confusion for a long time. Decades. Many times from the victim position. I find that odd as I do not place myself in that position or category, generally speaking in my pedestrian life. But when I reach back and look at my upbringing, As 18 years old male I did not have the clarity to realize my father’s failures objectively. I was constantly hungering for his approval and attention, clouding my understandings of his short comings and struggles. I have far more clarity at 61 years old.

With a father who was oblivious, who didn’t recognize his son as a boy who needed his attention, and when he did it was a competition, I begin to see where my attraction to older males as a younger male resonated. When I think back how my father was always naked at home, a self proclaimed home nudist, and how he flaunted his nakedness. It wasn’t always appropriate. He presented himself in ways that seemed erotic or lewd by conventional wisdom. Seeing him aroused in the bath or on the couch, always intrigued me. I was captivated by his size. I would run to my room and think about what I saw, comparing myself to him physically, and becoming aroused by what I saw. I was given no proper boundaries. I was not taught delay of gratification.

It’s no wonder the first older guy who showed me attention, showed me his cock, and gave me affection,  seduced me quickly. I ran to the  attention he offered. I readily accepted his sexual demands as attention and affection, believing this was intimacy. One day he held a pair of pink panties in front of me and asked me to put them on, I asked, “Can I sit on your lap?” I thought he could fix my past pain and hurt. I believed he would offer  me the love and affection I never had. But really he wanted to see my hard cock tent the front of those soft panties. He wanted my hands bound, as he teased me. making me beg for release. Not much different than my father.

I had mother who doted over her son, making excuse at times for her husband’s short comings. Her unwillingness to  free of herself of her own insecurities, delivering them upon me. Does that say something.? Does it reveal her submissive nature? She allowed my father to take liberties with her body in front of me, by openly accepting the terms of his dominance.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, is that what they say? Or does it just make you damaged?

 

The Site ~ Chaturbate

Many of you may know the chat site Chaturbate. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I don’t pay for sex, period…..under any circumstances. I have a very sexy transgender friend, male to female, who’s been doing a show on there recently showing off her stuff. While I was on-line I peeked in on a few others, getting the feel for who and what was shown and offered. That’s when I bumped into a couple, two transgender models/performers who intrigued me. One is a long haired white girl with a softer, slightly chubby body, smaller breasts and pink nipples…..and a cute clitty……the other is a taller black girl with larger breasts…big brown nipples…..and a very nice clitty……I am a fan of these two…….*blush*

Why am I a fan….Why do I follow them….because they excite me…they inspire me in some odd way. In my mind sex workers are are masturbation tools…..period. But these two talk and engage, kiss and hug….do things that the others don’t in a seemingly genuine manner. Maybe it’s there shtick…..maybe not….but I can dream and stroke my cock and feel better about it….instead of feeling abused by a arrogant, self absorbed alternative……They eventually go off and do a private show for those who will pay……but the “foreplay” is typically very arousing…..

But these two, who typically perform together…….”thosedamncows“…….might be worth a peek……It is what it is…….after all…..it’s Chaturbate…..

Please note: I have no financial gain in this, I do not know these individuals or do I myself perform on Chaturbate. I have been a silent watcher at best, sitting back and relishing in their shows…….

Confusing Feelings

Submission......image by Gerome.
Submission……image by Gerome.

Her Name was Helen. She was the older lady I met at the book store. She was 52 years young. My mother was 41 years old.

Helen told me……….“I was once with a man who was……..how do I say this?……he was very Dominant…..he was loving but he was very sexual…..he demanded things from me that I had never done……I was embarrassed to do the things he asked of me…..but I did them…..he pushed me and instead of making me weaker…..he made me stronger.”

Helen looked at me for a bit and said……”This could be you……this is you.”

My understanding of this was becoming less confusing, but the pulling between where I had been and where I was leaning, was like bouncing off padded walls. It seemed my mind was screaming……”Please…..Please”….. and my body was electric with arousal. My cock was hard, swollen and throbbing as Helen spoke to me. I needed her to shut up. I needed something and I didn’t exactly know which way to turn, I only knew I needed release. There way an emptiness, coupled with a stronger urge to do something.  In the past when I would feel like this, frustrated and incapable of putting into words my thoughts, I would masturbate. Or, I would go to Sir’s house and submit to his desires. Without so much as a fleeting thought, “that” was not an option that crossed my mind . I was at the end of my rope. I felt as much as she was telling me to reach down and address my Dominant desires and energy, she was leading me. I was still being lead by a metaphoric collar and leash. I was beginning to hate that feeling.

It was too much to absorb. I looked at Helen and said, “I need to go.”

Rene was my best friend. He was my age, we had been sexual partners for as long as our cock’s got hard. When I got home I went next door to see him. He was home and alone. Rene hadn’t seen me in a while and Asked, “Where you been stranger?” We went and sat on his bed. “I don’t know, with Helen……that older lady,” I told him. He could sense I was troubled. “You been with Sir?” he asked. I shook my head. “Why not?” he quickly asked. I shrugged my shoulders, “I been into her……she makes me feel so different,” I replied as I laid back on his bed.

Rene was sitting aside me in his tight spandex shorts. He wore those even though he wasn’t a runner. He didn’t have a shirt on either, so his smooth hairless chest and hard little nipples were right there, teasing me. He curled up next to me and asked, “Has she replaced me?” he said, biting his lower lip. I saw an opportunity to tease him, something I never missed if I had the chance. “You’re such a sissy Rene…….look at you…..no top…..those slutty tight shorts…..and your clitty……are you wet?” I asked trying to humiliate him a little. I knew he loved it, it always made him wanna do anything I wanted.

I sat there for a minute and thought about what I just said, and how it made me feel. The more I teased him and humiliated him, the more willing he was to do anything I asked. Maybe I am that guy that Helen was talking about. With Rene it felt so natural, it was who he and I were for as long as I could remember. “The little sissy want to suck his Master’s cock……..I can tell?” I said, as I pondered why I referred to myself as his Master, I never used that word before. Rene looked at me with blushed cheeks as he opened my pants, not saying a word. He looked at me quickly as he lowered his lips and began kissing and licking the shaft of my cock. Then in one swoop he devoured me. I felt the head of my penis hit the back of his throat as he began bobbing up and down. I simply laid back and enjoyed his service to his “Master.”

I was close, so close. I needed to cum, but I wasn’t done yet. I wanted more from him. I wanted so bad to make him beg me to cum. He had done that a few times and now I needed it more than ever. “Stop…..Stop Rene…….look at me……you’re such a good cock sucker……I want you up on all fours…..and take those ridiculous shorts off,” I demanded. I really loved him in those shorts. I could see his cock outlined so perfectly. When he was dripping pre cum there was always a wet spot. But I didn’t want him to know it. They made me a little vulnerable, but that was something else I didn’t want him to recognize either.

Rene slipped his shorts off. His cock was hard and so aroused, the head a pale purple instead of it’s usual lighter pink. He went to stoke it and I said, “No…..no touching,”. I heard him sigh. Up on all fours he looked so feminine, with the exception of his shaved balls. Reaching out I grabbed his cock and pulled it towards me, “Now close your thighs and keep em’ tight.” His cock and balls were so cute and sexy, the thought of leaning in and taking each ball, one at a time in my mouth washed over me. Temptation, has not my best friend. I Slapped his ass hard to shake him and I back to reality. I heard him moan in his soft seductive way, begging for more. I swatted him again and then again, as his cock and balls twitched and bobbed. He was so incredibly sexy. My cock was the only cock to have ever cum in his hole and feel it clench. He was so tight, I needed lube. “Fuck it…..I’m taking you raw, I whispered. He moaned and said, “No……no….the head is gonna hurt.”

I agreed and stuck my finger into him. He moaned. Pulling out and pushing it back in all the way, in and out as I grabbed his cock. I began a thrusting my finger in and out as I stroking and squeezed his cock. Pre cum was dripping from the head as I milked him. I was rubbing against his spot, his prostate. His hard penis would be draining cum soon as he begged , “Please let me cum……Please!” I said nothing. I stopped stroking him, teasing him and he begged me again, “Please let me cum……Please!……Please.”

I wanted to see him cum, I wanted to feel his warm arousal wet my hand. I wanted so bad to take his cock and taste him. Then as I grabbed and squeezed him, I felt is cock pulse, and then release. My hand was drenched. I licked a bit off and wiped the rest on his pink hole. Grabbing his hip with one hand, I aimed my cock to where I would squirt my own cum and pushing into him. He tightened around me, his ass clenching as I pushed deeper. His pink little hole was stretched as I pulled out a bit and then back. A few more thrusts into him and my seed flooded his boy pussy. I had taken him. I had claimed him. Why didn’t I see it that way before.

Dom….sub…..and Everything in Between

I’ve always had a slightly skewed view of the D/s relationship and dynamic. I’m not a D/s intellectual, but I’m pretty well read. As an adult I love control. I’ve been in a lot of places in my life sexually. I was a young male who was “mentored’ by a few  mature males. I suppose because I was younger than these male figures, I naturally did as I was told or what was asked of me. Was it out of respect, or was it fear? I don’t remember ever being afraid, so I will discount that. Was it because I was taught to respect my elder’s, maybe. While I always respected my elders at that age, I believe I wanted to follow. I wanted to be lead into the darkness. I wanted to be touched, fondled and used. Yes I wanted to be a boy toy, a pet.  I wanted all of the dirty, dark sexual experiences that I could be thrown mt way.

I remember the beginning. He was older. I was a young 18 year old smooth twink. Just graduating high school, I was taking the summer off and was sun bathing in nothing but my soft and worn bikini underwear. I was laying by a pond where we skinny dipped. Instead of being with the guys I normally hung out with, that particular day I was alone. I had fallen asleep. I awoke suddenly as a man, an older man sat next to me. He sat too close, but I didn’t move. I was slightly uncomfortable, but not enough to move or say anything to him about it. He made a comment or two, asked if I had been swimming, I nodded I had. He commented that must have been a pretty sight. I was beginning to feel aroused, my cock was swelling and if it hardened anymore, it would clearly be obvious.

His eyes were fixated on my underwear, my cock. He glanced at me and then he went back to looking where he shouldn’t be looking. He nudged the front of his shorts, and looked at me again. This time his eyes were looking deeply into my own, waiting for a reaction. He told me I was sexy and I was causing him to harden, as he fondled himself, his hand still grabbing at his shorts. He was very aroused. I was as well. My underwear was revealing a slight wet spot, my arousal was betraying me.

Slowly he reached over and slipped his warm hand under the waist band of my tiny underwear. I was his. His touch was amazing, soft, gentle, and in someway, very wrong. But I laid back and moaned, as he pulled the front of my bikini briefs down, and took me completely in his mouth. I lasted a few minutes. He asked me if I would come home with him. I nodded I would.

This began a summer of submission. I was naked with him always, I was his cock whore, cock sucker, and I ran to it. I ran to him when he called, or drove by my house. I pushed aside my friends to spend an afternoon or night with him naked, on my knees sucking his cock. He shared me with other men and watched. I wanted to make him proud, I wanted him to whisper in my ear as I took his friends cocks, “You’re a good boy.”

Then, one day I met a woman at a book store.  She was older. We were sitting on two chairs facing each other. I watched as she read her magazine. I would catch her glancing at me, but when I looked up at her, she dropped her head as if she wasn’t staring at me. This went on for a bit. Cat and mouse, who was gonna flinch first. She looked to be my mothers age, and was wearing a skirt. Occasionally she would cross her legs one way, then the other. I could see she was wearing stockings. When she would cross her legs in one direction, the stocking tops peeked out as she moved. I was wondering as my cock hardened, if she was wearing a garter belt or a girdle.

I was extremely aroused as I laid back a bit revealing the lump of my hard cock in my pants. She eventually looked up, her eyes wide open like a deer in head lights as she saw me staring at her. Then her eyes went to my outstretched legs and to my crotch. She stared for too long before looking back at me, biting her lower lip. I held my stare as she slowly parted her thighs. Not too far, but I could see her panties. She went back to reading. I got up and walked to the register and bought the book I had started. I walked outside and smoked a cigarette. I heard, “Ooooooooh there you are.” I said, “Yep.”

I was always looking for sex. I had been with a number of girls my age, and I loved being with them, but for sex I preferred older males. They were sexually hungry and naughty. They weren’t done as soon as they came and they trembled when a young male was naked with them. But she reminded me of my mom and I wondered what that might be like. “Do you have a car young man?” she asked. I nodded I did. “Would you mind taking me home, I mean give me a lift?” “Sure………I take you home,” I said, lingering on, “I take you home.”

I knew she wanted me, her parted thighs were the invite. I felt confident and wanted her. She climbed in and sat sideways on the bench seat in my car. “May I take my shoe off?” she asked. I felt her toes bump against my butt, her knee bent upwards. I looked at her before I put the key in the ignition and saw she was sitting so her thighs were spread as far as the skirt would allow, her other foot was on the floor. She just looked at me as I reached out and put my hand on her leg. I heard her moan. Sliding my hand up her thigh higher I felt her warm flesh above her stockings. I started the car and began to drive, I followed her directions and again slid my hand up her thigh. I touched her panties and they were damp. I brought my fingers to my nose and inhaled. “Oooooooooh……your naughty,” she said, and then after a few moments she crawled over next to me and put her hand in my lap. Whispering, she asked, “Did you like that?” I said, “Yeah…..a lot.”

She quickly opened my pants and took out my cock, her mouth was over it, licking and sucking. Her head was bobbing up and down. I was swerving all over the road and to stay in the lane I grabbed her by the hair and said, “Suck me nice before I get in an accident!” “She looked up at me and said, “Yes Sir,” and went back to sucking. I had said that before, many times. I liked hearing her say that, it felt right.

Something changed in me in that moment, I was never in control before. I spent the night with her and in the morning she was on her knees at the door, sucking my cock again. She became my cock whore and I would call her regularly. She had a boyfriend and it always made me feel good when she would run to be with me, and stand him up. Slowly I ended my relationship with the older males I frequently spent time with. I would show up at her apartment or where she worked, telling her I needed my cock sucked, sometimes I stayed and other times I would leave her with a mouthful of cum. I was feeling good about myself.

I liked hanging out with her. She was easy, and willing. She took orders well and would be dressed as I asked. She was always willing to suck me. I quickly discovered she was a slut. One night we were driving through town and I saw a couple of buddies. They flagged me down and asked for a ride. I told them to get in. I looked at her and told her to suck my cock. She immediately took my cock in her mouth as my buddies watched. With cum dripping from her chin, I told her to suck them too. She readily agreed, as she climbed in the back seat, I pulled over to smoke a cigarette and watch. She was up for anything as long as I fucked her at some point.

She began hinting about loving things put in her wet hole. She whispered she loved being forced to take things, unusual things, and to be tied down. I was intrigued. The next time I saw her we played a game, I would tie her to a table and begin inserting things. She would begin begging me to fuck her harder and deeper. She became too loud and she wouldn’t stop, so I put a her panties in her mouth. It was incredibly arousing to make her come over and over, forcing her to have one more, then one more, and maybe another. Back then I had no idea what a forced orgasm was, but she loved bondage and to be restrained, gagged, and used.

I remember thinking about how I had experienced some of the same things with the mature males, especially when more than one male was present, and how things got very kinky, very fast. I felt extremely excited to have this type of control over her. I also sensed while my friends were making comments about what a whore she was, how strong she was. She was confident and strong willed. She had a powerful job and lived a comfortable life. Sexually she was very submissive, but that word was still not part of my vocabulary. I sensed she made choices based on what aroused her, and who she was with.

One night laying in her bed, she became romantic. I liked that. She kissed me and said soft affectionate things. I had been feeling closer to her and feared if I showed her that, she might make me feel insignificant or walk away. She talked, I listened. She told me, “You may think I’m like this with every man I’m with…..I’m not.” She continued, “You’re very special…..I saw that the first night we met…..I felt safe with you….or I would have never done what I did……I sensed a shyness about you so I did a few things to tease you….do you understand?” I nodded. She went on, “The guy I was seeing when I met you was a nice guy….. but you know how I stood him up to be with you…….he’s not like you…..we didn’t have this type of relationship…..but I can’t help myself.” I was confused, but I continued to listen. “I was once with a man who was……..how do I say this?……he was very Dominant…..he was loving but he was very sexual…..he demanded things from me that I had never done……I was embarrassed to do the things he asked of me…..but I did them…..he pushed me and instead of making me weaker…..he made me stronger.” I told her I was confused. I felt something familiar in what she she was  saying, my submissive past was surging in me as she had described her experiences.” “You should understand what I’m telling you…….from the little you shared about what you have done with men……what they expected of you…..it’s really no different…..don’t you see that?” she said.

I did see it, more so I felt it. It was a conflict. I remember the delicious feelings of arousal from being used. I also felt the comfort of control, and the arousal. I wanted desperately to understand the tension I was feeling about being the Sir and answering to the Sir, and how did the romantic affectionate feelings I was having fit in between it all. I felt affection for that one male who first brought to this place, the respect I had for him. I trusted him with my naked body, my soul. “Do you trust me?” I asked. “Yes…..completely”, She responded and then kissed me softly. “You must have trust, complete trust…..and you should have love and affection……do you see we have chemistry…..do you see how our desires demand that we trust each other completely……and the affection and love for each other is the bond that holds this all together.” I felt so confused.